Wednesday, June 14, 2006

More often before, less often lately...

4-13-06 (belated journal post)
More often lately I've been getting an overwhelming feeling of loss. Maybe loss isn't the right word. Maybe it's just incompleteness. I just get that whole rat race feeling. I go from day to day with few highlights, and think to myself that things will be different soon. Well I just kind of figured out that that is unlikely. It was a "this is your life" moment. I just got the feeling that I was trying to keep busy to avoid something, and I didn't want to avoid it anymore. I feel like I should be doing more, but I'm not sure what "more" is. There's something I miss doing, but have never done before. There's some intangible round peg out there, just waiting to make me whole. But what and where is it? Does anyone else feel this way?

5-9-06 (less belated journal post)
I've been drawing more, and have started scanning and coloring my sketches. I've also been perusing my interest in firearms. I can't think of anything else notable that I have done since the entry on the opposite page (above), yet I'd forgotten that lost feeling I used to have. The above activities are the only things I can attribute the lost feeling to. I hope I'm really dealing with these feelings and not just busying myself enough to forget about them.

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