Friday, December 05, 2008

Fuck you Mario Kart. Fuck you so much.

I was driving in to work on the freeway, and the car ahead of me and to the right opened its window. A slightly odd occurrence considering the car was expensive enough to have air conditioning, and we were traveling on the freeway at about 90mph. Out the window came an object, flung carelessly into my lane.

The object was a banana peel.

My immediate reaction was to regard the banana peel as one would an oil slick. I knew if I hit it, I was going to spin sideways, catch the pavement, and tumble end over end to my most assured death.

My brain instantly pegged at 100%, and calculated my avenues of escape with mere fractions of a second to execute them. I knew there was a car to my right, but I didn't know what cars were in the carpool lane to the left, and was afraid that if I swerved into the lane I could hit someone, but I had no time to turn my head.

As I flipped between swerve into the lane of unknown capacity, and do nothing, some part of my brain screamed at me to do nothing.

Fortunately the "do nothing" part of my brain prevailed. I sailed over the banana peel quite harmlessly.

Of course I didn't know I wasn't going to die until I actually passed over the banana peel.

Fuck you Mario Kart.

Fuck you so much.


Paul said...

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I probably would have reacted roughly the same way.

More insidious is Katamari Syndrome, wherein, after many days of play, you in your full-sized pickup eye a Mini and think "Yeah, I can roll that up easy."

Anonymous said...

I'd say you're well beyond fucked if you see a technicolor glowing car coming at you faster than your current rate and rams you out of his way.


Goddamnit the bailouts are in the CODEWORDS! FUUUCK!