Barking in the dark.

You still call me every now and then. Whenever my phone lit up, I was excited to know who was calling me. (people calling me being such an infrequent thing :]) But seeing your number appear would take all the excitement and turn it sour and dry. I feel a little victory each time I see your number, and ignore the call. I know how to deal with it now. You always leave a voicemail, and despite what you probably think, I listen to them before deleting. Well... A little. I listen to the first few words before immediately deleting. I'm listening for the voice mail that begins with the words "I'm sorry". I'm not even sure if I ever want to hear it.

The voice mails are long. I can tell when the ringing stops, and it takes a long time for the voicemail notification to come up. I was struck by the idea that all those words, and all that emotion, stored in the ones and zeros of Sprint's voicemail service all just disappear into nothingness when I hit "7" mere seconds into the message. All that effort expended, the yelling, the cursing, and blaming, all vanishes into nothing with the press of a button.

It almost seems like a waste.

Almost.

I was thinking about it, and realized that you probably know that I delete the messages. On some level, you probably understand that you're only talking to yourself. Talking to yourself helps. I do it often, and find it to be very therapeutic. So if you need keep calling, and talking to yourself, I'll refrain from blocking your number.

With kind regards,
Your Former Son