Wednesday, May 07, 2008

There are plenty of squirrels on the internet

I just finish installing an agent on this user's computer. I've installed this agent on literally thousands of computers with zero issue.
Technical Hypochondriac: Ok, you installed that thing, and now everything's different. It's all-- That wasn't like that before. Did you do that thing right there?
Me: I can't see what you're pointing at over the phone.
TH: It's the screen. It's all blue now! All my stuff is gone.
Me: Define "stuff."
TH: My icons, and my squirrels.
Me: Your--? Did you start the reboot?
TH: Yeah. It's so slow now. What did you do? It was never this slow before.
Me: If it's not rebooting, just push the power button for 4 seconds.
TH: Ok. I know where it is. But my computer has problems turning off.
Me: Just hold the button down for 4 seconds.
TH: Ok, now what?
Me: Put the button again.
TH: Ok, but just so you know, my computer had problems turning on.
Me: ...
TH: Ok, It's not turning on. I pushed it like 8 times.
Me: 8 times?
TH: Ok, it's turning on... It's taking forever! It never took this long before. Ok, now it says "Windows XP" and it's all blue. It's never done this before. Ever. It's totally broken.
Me: I'm sure it's fine. It's just rebooting. It'll be up shortly.
TH: Ok, yeah, but, it's never done this before. I mean, something had to have changed. My computer doesn't work very well. If you can't tell, I don't like computers.
Me: I'm sure it'll be fine.
TH: Ok, it's all green now.
Me: ???
TH: It's like, green everything.
Me: How do you mean?
TH: Oh god, my squirrels are gone!
Me: ?!
TH: How do I get them back?
Me: What are you talking about?
TH: My icons are back, but everything's green, and my squirrels are gone.
Me: ...Your wallpaper?
TH: Yes.
Me: Oh. Can you try changing the wallpaper to something else?
TH: I don't want something else! I want my squirrels! I need my squirrels!
Me: No, I mean, change it to see if other wallpapers show up. To test.
TH: Ok... Now it's sand.
Me: ... The wallpaper that had a sand dune?
TH: Yeah.
Me: Do you see the wallpaper that has the squirrels?
TH: Yes.
Me: Can you click on it?
TH: Yes, but it doesn't change it on my screen.
Me: Well... There are plenty of squirrels on the internet. I'm sure we'll be able to find another one.
TH: No! I need those squirrels!
Me: *put the phone on mute to laugh out loud for 10 seconds*
TH: They were a gift from my ex boyfriend! He gave them to me! I need those squirrels!
Me: *still muted; explaining my laughter to my coworkers when I burst into a new round of laughter at the last statement*
TH: He's not speaking to me anymore! I need to get them back!

Fesus Jucking Christ!

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