Tuesday, May 06, 2008

So easy, a journalist can do it!

Cheap “idiot-proof” rifle killed Phila. officer
Idiots hit a bank and in the process of fleeing, kill a Police officer, before being killed.

But the problem isn't that these people broke the law, or even that they killed a peace officer; it's that these people were armed with a "cheap" and "idiot proof" rifle.
The SKS carbine - considered simple and rugged - weighs about 8.5 pounds and can be bought legally for as little as $179. Instructions for cleaning and routine maintenance can be found on YouTube.

Emphasis added, it'll be important later.
Wait! You can find instructions to do things on YouTube?! We've got to stop this free exchange of information! I even heard about these things called "libraries" which house TONS of information! Could someone potentially use this information for evil? If so, our choice is clear; book burning!

Considered "idiot proof," the SKS carbine became favorite of hunters in the American South when hundreds of thousands of them flooded the surplus market in the 1980s, authorities said.

Well done calling hunters AND southerners idiots in one sentence. That's why they pay you the big bucks! "Flooded the surplus market"??? I don't suppose you know WHY they flooded in, do you? It's because people like you wanted to ban them. That made people buy them at previously unheard of levels. This guy wouldn't recognize the law of unintended consequences if it kicked him in the balls.

Cain, a convicted felon, would have been prohibited from purchasing or owning any gun, Robbins said.

Robbins would not comment on how Cain came to possess the gun or if the ATF has been able to trace the weapon.

Would have been? Oh! Because he didn't buy the gun legally? Well that defeats the purpose of all these gun laws! When did criminals figure out they don't have to follow the law?! But hey, I thought the whole point of this article was to make people believe that the best way to stop this from happening is to pass laws to keep bank robbers (who are both cheap, and idiots) from buying cheap, idiot-proof guns! If this guy wasn't allowed to buy a gun already, then why recommend more restrictions? The ATF can't trace weapons that don't follow proper legal transfer channels, so why would they be expected to piece this one together? All those laws registering all those firearm transfers, double checking all those forms, and searching all those records don't mean shit when criminals don't obey the law!

And just when you thought you were going to get through an anti-gun article without mention of the *gasp* AK-47 *ungasp* it gets worked into the second-to-last sentence.
The SKS dates to the mid-40s and was originally designed for the Soviet infantry. The Red Army replaced the SKS with the AK-47.

Ya know? Taking apart this article has made the bullet-points (ha) for turning a legitimate piece of news into an anti-gun blood dance pretty clear to me. I think I'll give it a shot. (double ha)

"A man was mugged today BY A GUN(-toting criminal on parole)! The GUN was a model 1911, in the dreaded .45 caliber, capable of shooting through an entire school bus, and mushrooming to an increased size to deliver maximum death to babies and orphans. The GUN was also used by our armed service men during world war 2, when they fought against the Germans, who fought against the Russians, who would later go on to build the HORRIFYING AK-47 BULLET HOSE, CAPABLE OF FIRING 100000 BULLETS A MINUTE! SIMPLE ENOUGH TO BE WIELDED BY AN RETARDED 2 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH POLIO, INSTANTLY TURNING HER INTO THE ANGEL OF DEATH! The alleged criminal was caught on tape, left fingerprints, blood, ID, and a signed confession at the scene of the crime, but must have been set up, and/or was disaffected by this country's involvement in Iraq. BUSH IS HITLER!!!11"

So what do you guys think? Am I an "authorized journalist" yet?

Via David


Anonymous said...

Don't forget about the spray-firing from the hip that we're all apparently so fond of.

Anonymous said...

Fact check:
capable of shooting through an entire school bus

In actuality, it shoots through schools. (source: D.Vermin)

I wonder, though, if the SKS is so idiot proof that the reporter would be able to pick one up and immediately know the manual of arms. Doubtful, but then the reporter isn't just any common idiot.