Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Bond's back, and his haircut sucks (finally).

Last weekend we saw Casino Royale with Stouty and his wifey. It was a lot of fun to watch, and was one of those movies that really made you feel what was going on. I don't usually like writing about movies but this is really more about a character, so I don't mind!

Daniel Craig is the antithesis of Pierce Brosnan.

Pierce Brosnan's Bond, (who took short breaks from boning anything with two legs, drinking martinis, wining and dining any vagina within 30 feet, and playing with his watch to save the world in under 5 minutes while holding his gun like the limp dick in a $300 haircut that he is) would get his shit ruined in 7 different ways by Daniel Craig's Bond.

Casino Royale's Bond was ruthless, cunning, dangerous, skilled, smart, tough as nails, and everything you'd think of when you thought of a top class secret agent. Seeing this take on 007 made me feel like watching the old Bonds. Casino Royale's Bond acted more like a secret agent than what Bond has become recently.

James Bond had become something of a comic book character. I compare this to the pre-"Batman Begins" Batman movies. Those Batman movies were cartoony, takes on comic books. Watching Mr. Freeze (Our Governator) call his raver, hip-hop, hockey team minions to attack Batman was directed to be something out of the comic book. The situations, characters, and plots were surreal, unbelievable, and just plain far-fetched. But there isn't much wrong with that, because this was a movie based on a comic book. Sticking to the comic's style just helped it maintain what made it popular in the first place.

007, on the other hand, is not a comic book character. Sure, the situations Bond deals with verge on surrealism. But, a giant ice castle? It's just an example of a number of unnecessary eye candy distractions to keep you from noticing the tired plot, played quips, and the same storyline that has been in every Bond film. "That entire place is made of ice! I'll bet that cost lots of money to do! I wonder if it's cold in there!" Shut up. No one cares. Go watch Mission Impossible 3. Bond became a comic book superhero who sleuthed around in plain sight in a full tuxedo with his fashion accessory Walther PPK, and used every gadget Q gave him at least once a movie, and at least twice to save his life from certain sharks-with-frikkin-laz0rs death. Lately, his car has even become a minor character; using all the gadgets Q gave him before he left to save the world, and boning female cars while we're not looking no doubt.

They took 00 agent number 7, who was a top notch, world class, kick ass spy, and turned him into James Bond; who was not. Bond became about gadgets, being suave, ordering martinis, introducing himself with his last name followed by his full name, puns, and boning anything within arms reach. Bond became an idealized version of a spy. He wasn't 007 any more, he was James Bond. 007 did spy things; and James Bond did, well, James Bond things. And even though he hit like a girl, he did have a great haircut.

Casino Royale got back to the original Bond. This Bond was a 00 agent. To me, this was the real Bond. Good to have you back James, hope you'll stay a while.

It has come to my attention that Daniel Craig has expressed some very un-Bondly opinions. I should have made clear that the Bond I enjoyed was the Bond Daniel Craig was written, and directed by other folks. I'm not going to say that he added nothing to the character, because that's almost impossible, but I just want you to know there is a distinction between the actor and the character. Now dance, monkey! Dance!

Oh yeah, I just realized who this Bond reminded me of; Steve McQueen.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

While I wasn't too fond of Craig's personal statements, I went into the movie thinking "There is no way in hell the franchise would let an actors personal biases ruin a movie, right?"

I was not disappointed. This Bond completely kicked ass. There were only two parts of the movie that I thought were contrived - the poker scene, which I predicted the outcome of within 5 seconds of the hand being dealt, and the fact that there wasn't really a Bond girl in the strictest sense.

Otherwise, good stuff. Better than Brosnan but Connery was still the best.