Monday, November 17, 2008

Dear Mom,

When my sister and I were old enough to get beyond our sibling annoyance and avoidance, we actually became very good friends. We would go places and do things, and actually hang out like friends. This is why it was especially hard for me to accept that she was getting married to someone she hadn't known for very long, and someone that I barely knew. A stranger. It took some time, about three years, but I've accepted him as family. We actually just went bowling, followed by some 2am Denny's, and had a great time. He's a good man, and my sister couldn't have chosen someone better.

He taught me that strangers can become family.

You taught me that family can become strangers.

I learned when I was very young that people only have power over you when you give it to them, and you should only give it where it is deserved. A child's parents automatically have that power. A child trusts his parents to make him feel good when he has done something good, and bad when he has done something bad. Sometimes we give this power to other people; respected people whom we trust to have accurate judgement, and look to for guidance. If those people abuse this power, by making you feel bad unduly, or only; it should be revoked.

I made the mistake of thinking that your power was irrevocable. It is not. It was not.

You don't get to make me feel bad anymore.

This simple statement freed me from weights I never even knew I was carrying. Looking back now, I wonder how I even functioned under their weight.

I used to blame your treatment of myself and my sister on the manic depression from which you, now so clearly, suffered and still suffer. However, after repeated attempts to make you understand what damage you do to us and your relationships, and repeated promises of change followed by repeated failures to even attempt to change, your physiology can no longer be blamed for your actions. Even if it could be, it's clear things will never change.

It is said that things get worse before they get better. They did, and they are.

It was very hard for me to come to the realization that you were actually trying to make me feel bad just because you felt bad. At least the realization made my decision clear.

My mom, who's job it was to protect, love, and help me, was intentionally hurting me.

Mothers aren't supposed to do that.

I would not suffer it from anyone else, and realized I shouldn't have to suffer it from you.

So I've decided that you don't get to be my mother anymore.

I hereby revoke your parental privileges, and remand you to stranger status.

Future attempts at contact will be treated in a manner befitting your status.
Further harassment will be met with a restraining order.

Know that who you are now will be forgotten, but understand that who you were when times were good will always live in my heart.

Goodbye. I wish you all the best on your future endeavors.

With kind regards,
Your Former Son

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My wife had to do the same thing with her mom. Hardest thing she ever had to do, and she still bears the scars of her mom's psychological abuse, but she is much happier now.