Sunday, November 13, 2005

40 Reasons to ban guns

Anti-gun advocates: This is a work of satire, if you came here looking for reasons to ban guns, you will not find them here. Please take the time to read the satire, and please feel free to challenge me on them if you disagree.
If you prefer not to comment, please take the time to read the following article written by a liberal, Why Liberals Should Love The Second Amendment

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-Benjamin Franklin, 1759

40 reasons to ban guns.....

1. Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, & Chicago cops need guns.

2. Washington DC's low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to strict gun
control, and Indianapolis' high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the
lack of gun control.

3. Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics
showing increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."

4. The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into
effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates,
which have been declining since 1991.

5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting
spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a
lunatic is paranoid.

6. The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.

7. An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot
with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.

8. A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking
gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

9. When confronted by violent criminals, you should "put up no defense -
give them what they want, or run" (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete
Shields, Guns Don't Die - People Do, 1981, p. 125).

10. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about
guns; just like Guns & Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.

11. One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seatbelts, a civil
engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for internal medicine, a computer
programmer for hard drive problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.

12. The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, refers to the National Guard, which
was created 130 years later, in 1917.

13. The National Guard, federally funded, with bases on federal land, using
federally-owned weapons, vehicles, buildings and uniforms, punishing
trespassers under federal law, is a "state" militia.

14. These phrases: "right of the people peaceably to assemble," "right of
the people to be secure in their homes," "enumerations herein of certain
rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people,"
and "The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states
respectively, and to the people" all refer to individuals, but "the right of
the people to keep and bear arms" refers to the state.

15. "The Constitution is strong and will never change." But we should ban
and seize all guns thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments to
that Constitution.

16. Rifles and handguns aren't necessary to national defense! Of course, the
army has hundreds of thousands of them.

17. Private citizens shouldn't have handguns, because they aren't "military
weapons'', but private citizens shouldn't have "assault rifles'', because
they are military weapons.

18. In spite of waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting,
government forms, etc., guns today are too readily available, which is
responsible for recent school shootings. In the 1940's, 1950's and 1960's,
anyone could buy guns at hardware stores, army surplus stores, gas stations,
variety stores, Sears mail order, no waiting, no background check, no
fingerprints, no government forms and there were no school shootings.

19. The NRA's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign about kids handling
guns is propaganda, but the anti-gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch"
campaign is responsible social activity.

20. Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them
properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.

21. A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical
adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.

22. Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun
is "an accident waiting to happen" and gun makers' advertisements aimed at
women are "preying on their fears."

23. Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers
but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.

24. Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun

25. A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority
of the population supported owning slaves.

26. Any self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a
"weapon of mass destruction" or an "assault weapon."

27. Most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which
most people will abide by because they can be trusted.

28. The right of Internet pornographers to exist cannot be questioned
because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use
of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

29. Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and
typewriters, but self- defense only justifies bare hands.

30. The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of
the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the

31. Charlton Heston, a movie actor as president of the NRA is a cheap
lunatic who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas, a movie actor as a
representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is
entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.

32. Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger
capacity pistol magazines than do "civilians" who must face criminals alone
and therefore need less ammunition.

33. We should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns
because it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.

34. Police officers have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that
private citizens can never hope to obtain.

35. Private citizens don't need a gun for self- protection because the
police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the
police are not responsible for their protection.

36. Citizens don't need to carry a gun for personal protection but police
chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with
cops, need a gun.

37. "Assault weapons" have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of
people. The police need assault weapons. You do not.

38. When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential
promotion, that's bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to
buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that's good.

39. Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for
defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their
duty weapon.

40. Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to "keep guns out of the wrong
hands." Guess what? You have the wrong hands.


Anonymous said...

oh man..this is awesome!!!
I respectfully request permission to link to your this post specifically!!!

Anonymous said...

"I carry a gun for personal protection because I cannot carry a cop at all times"

Fletch said...

You've got it Towerclimber!

Anonymous said...

Well said!

I liked it so much I posted a link to the article on my blog.



Anonymous said...

This is brilliant!

It's satire the way I wish I wrote it.

Yet another link for you!

Anonymous said...

Loved it! Thanks for the chuckles...

Fletch said...

I didn't write this, I found this a long time ago. I think it's just one of those things that floats around the internet.

Bobitha said...

wow i totally love the way the contridictions are highlited by this post
~love it~

~read my blog... and comment~

Anonymous said...

I stand to protect my constitutional right to bear arms. I don't agree with those of you who believe firearms should completely banned, but I fully respect your right to speak it, which is why I will not insult any of you in any way, shape, or form. I would like to open a discussion on this topic, for I am a firearm owner, myself, and I firmly believe in my right to own firearms. I am more than willing to explain my beliefs, and I actually request you do reply. I am not attempting to change anyone's mind, I am simply urging you to try and understand my beliefs concerning firearm ownership.

You may reach me by e-mail:

I sincerely hope you reply so you may better understand my beliefs. I read your reasons with patience and respect, and I pray you contain the dignity to take the time to observe mine. Thank you for your time and patience.

Fletch said...

Anonymous, while I respect the manner in which you engaged a suspected anti-gunner, I suspect you need to engage your sarcasm-meter.

Each reason is dripping with sarcasm.

I mean; "The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals"? C'mon.

Anonymous said...

I've been a cop for 28 years and with just a few words (#34) you have given our secret to the entire world. Can't take you anywhere.
But on a serous note I am so pro 2nd amendment, I think everyone should carry a gun where ever they go just because of the nuts out there. That of course has caused some arguments with fellow officers, but their young and don't get it.

apackof2 said...

"an accident waiting to happen" here!

P.S. I am using your list on my blog,you don't mind?

Anonymous said...

Two big, hairy arms enter car window. .38 barrel politely applied to nose. Big, hairy arms retracted - and a "have a nice day" issued.
This is true. I'm the polite .38 barrel apply"er."
5 foot tall female with .38 - equal to 6 foot hairy armed nasty.

Fletch said...

apackof2, I wish I could claim to have made this, but you have the right to post whatever you please on your blog :) Fair use has a posse.

Anonymous said...

Imagine how I feel here in the supremely safe utopia that is the UK. Near total gun control, and I feel less safe than ever, looks like the whole gun control thing isn't working too well.

Anonymous said...

Mistake, it should've been population control, now that's working out just fine.

Oblio13 said...

You forgot: "A total ban on weapons, plus complete government supervision and control, will prevent people from hurting others. That's why prisons are such safe places."

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