Parlee Posit #8746

In which ExistingThing dispenses enlightenment; lets listen in...

...We can't solve all our problems with force, the world already hates us for what we've done in Iraq! We all just need to sit down; and work this out!
Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear your proposed solution to terrorism.
See, he gets it! I was just saying that we all need to sit down and talk until we're blue in the face! We can solve this conflict with words, not bombs!
Indisputably. Though how would you start the conversation?
Well, I'd let Bin Laden know that the loss of human life is unacceptable for either side, and that solving this by talking is the sane way to deal with this disagreement.
Well said. Now, how do you deal with Bin Laden's statement that there can only be peace if America converts to Islam, or accepts second-class citizenship?
All that's just tough talk. Like I said, we'll talk till we're blue in the face; we'd have to reach a solution!
Excellent plan, though I don't think your friends are convinced.
They don't think Bin Laden can be reasoned with, they think he just wants us dead or converted.
How simple-minded. Say, would you care to engage in a mock peace talk to show your friends the power of words?
Sure, I think they could use the enlightenment!
Quite. Now, I'll be Bin Laden, and you be a Democratic head-of-state
Ok... Mr. Bin Laden, I think that if you take a step back, you'll find that our two people are not so different. We need only come to a mutually-beneficial understanding to end this loss of life.
*slap*
Mr. Bin Laden, violence begets violence, and --
*slap*
I don't think--
*slap*
Ok, that's --
*slap*
We're supposed to --!!
*slap*
WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE PEACE TALKS!!
No.


There was a slight pause, and then the room thundered, and filled with a shimmering light. A sudden silence fell, and the man's eyes grew wide. Through the blinding light you could see knowledge fill the man's eyes, and sense his grasp of reality strengthen. In a flash, all old thoughts were revisited with new clarity, soundly defeated, and expunged from his mind. He closed his eyes, and reopened them to a new world full of sublime perceptibility. He was enlightened. Though, sadly, as this new level of cognizance spread to the corners of his consciousness, this brain gave way, weak from years of liberalism and cognitive dissonance, reducing him to a vegetative state, and simultaneously increasing his IQ.

Disclaimer: A posit is, by definition, postulation. This posit has been provided for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to actual events are entirely coincidental (no matter how many witnesses were there that day), and smack of paranoia on your part, if I do say so myself.
*ExistingThing vanishes in a puff of logic*