it's going to be one of THOSE on call weekends.

HI! This is douchebag at douchebaggy phone answering service where we get an e-mail and call a phone number! I've got this alert!
Oh, ok, that means it's going to set off a few alerts. There should be more from that hostname, those are ok not to call me on.
...
...hello?
HI! This is douchebag at douchebaggy phone answering servic--
Yes! You already said that. *click*

30 minutes of sleep later

HI! This is douchebag at douchebaggy phone answering service where we get an e-mail and call a phone number! I've got this alert!
*grumble* I said on our last call that you don't have to call me on alerts from that hostname...
...
...please don't repeat yourself...
HI! This is -- huh?
What's the hostname on the ticket?
The ticket says; (reads me 10 out of 50 lines of useless data before I hang up on him)

30 minutes of sleep later

HI! This is douchebag at douchebaggy--
In the e-mail, about half way down, there is a line that says "HOSTNAME" and on that same line, it says the actual hostname! If you get any more alerts from this hostname in the next 6 hours, IGNORE THEM. DO NOT CALL ME.
Gotcha chief! (or other douchebaggy response)

30 GODDAMN MINUTES OF SLEEP LATER

HI!--
DUDE! SERIOUSLY! WHAT'S THE HOSTNAME ON THIS ALERT?!
Huh?
IF THE HOSTNAME IS "xyz" FOR THE NEXT 6 HOURS, THEN DON'T CALL ME!!
But it's not "xyz".
WHAT?! Oh! Gee. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that, it's just been a tough night.
It's OK.
Alright. Sorry again; what's the hostname?
It's 9000 milliseconds.
... (be cool, you just snapped at him) That's the alert. Further down on the e-mail, there is a line that says "hostname" then some periods then the hostname. What does it say after the periods?
"xyz"
... [urge to kill rising...]
...
... [loading mags]
hello?
... ... ...yyyyyesssss?
Is that the thing you told me earlier?
... ... yyyyyeeessss.....
The thing I'm not supposed to call you on?
... yyyeeessss...
Oh. My bad. *click*
be cool... just relax... he finally gets it... you can sleep

25 MINUTES OF TRYING TO ALLOW RAGE TO SUBSIDE AND 5 MINUTES OF SLEEP LATER

HI! This is ---- Oh... Never mind.
Ssssaaaayyyy... you're doing such an awesome job, I want to buy you a pizza. What's your address?
Aw man! I'd like to, but we're not really allowed to give that out.
*SHU-SHINK*
...What was that?
Delivery.

Ok, so maybe that last part didn't actually happen, but I sure wouldn't have minded his address so I could go find him in the wee hours of the morning, and yell at him until he cried.