Vacation highlights

Logging off: I watched no news. I browsed no internet. The most sophisticated technology I used was the Xbox360 controller to play GTA4. This was great. I would catch myself looking at headlines, or reading ticker news, and stop myself. It's kind of refreshing not having to worry about the world going to hell in a handbasket (footage at 11!). Of course, my lack of attentiveness did nothing to stop the truly epic socialism that took place while I was out, but the result would have been the same had I known and worried about it.

Kayaking: Seems like it would be more annoying, but it's really fun. We went down a level 1 rapid, so finding the quick spots was fun. A great lazy trip through nature.

Biltmore Estates: A "high class" hotel/resort in North Carolina. Now with 20% more Fancy! We stayed there for most of my vacation. Not really my scene, but fun.

Tea and Scones: We had Tea. Proper Tea. With a capital "T." If I would have known you get sweets and sandwiches with capital "T" Tea, I would have had it before.

SMOKING!!!11: PEOPLE SMOKED IN RESTAURANTS AND BARS! THROUGH SOME FORM OF MAGIC I FAILED TO DIE OF SUPERCANCER! I suspect there is some kind of health vortex in Georgia. How else could you explain my surviving second hand smoke? Now that I'm back in California, I'll have to flee for my life at the faintest hint of smoke.

Lonely Early Morning Tea: One of the days in North Carolina I found myself quite awake at 3am, so I went down to the opulent lobby, picked a seat, ordered some tea, and read my book for three hours. Hot tea, comfy chair, good book, solitude. What more could anyone want?

Fancifyin' up the place: During our short stay in Biltmore Estates we added to the overall class by returning with bags from Arbys, Subway, and K-mart. Also, wore my flipflops with my nice pants and shirt to a formal dinner. Haste in packing due to the sudden liquidity of my travel plans caused me to forget my belt, so for a few days I was sporting a paracord belt. Sorry, I didn't have an extension cord with me.

Petting Zoo: I petteded some goatseses. I like goats. Also saw the biggest horse I've ever seen. Its eye was about the size of my fist, which qualifies it for "please don't eat me" status. Also I got to say "Hey, you." to a Ewe. So that's funny too.

Waffle House: An unmistakable greasy spoon. Eating it was fine because it tasted great. How I felt afterwards, however, was another story. I believe the course of action to correct this, is to never stop eating there. It appeared as though some of the patrons had already come to this realization.

Steak Paradox: Ordered the $50 Surf 'n Turf at the super fancy formal dinner. Later, got the $15 steak at a nearby TGIFridays, and it was better. Go fig. I was sure to tell the TGIFridays manager.

Sunday Sunday Sunday: I can't complain about things not being open late here, because apparently in most places, things close at 6 and may not even open on Sunday. Something about Jesus or something. What the hell do you do at 5pm on a Sunday? The answer, I extrapolate from the girls I met, is "make babies."

Weather: The weather was good. Very good actually. It was lukewarm. Not even warm. Even at night, it was perfect.

Little Miss Sunshine: Finally got to watch that movie all the way through. WAY better than I thought it was. The moments of cinematography and color caught me off guard. Good stuff.

My Two-Knife Girlfriend: Due to annoyance with airlines and flying in general, I did not check any luggage. As a result, I was unable to bring a knife. When I arrived, I told my girlfriend who produced an extra knife she had brought for no immediately obvious reason. (you need a reason?) Awesome.

My First Mullet: In the Atlanta airport I saw my first real live mullet. I had seen semi-mullets before, or what looked like accidental mullets, but this kind of full-on Joe Dirt mullet was a first. Spec-tacular.

Barflyery: We hung out in the fancy bar for about 3 hours experimenting with different drinks, and letting the bartender experiment with drinks on us. For the first hour all we talked about was cartoons. I was about to crap out when our bartender mentioned an extra spicy bloody mary, and I instructed him to attempt to kill me. It still wasn't spicy enough. Tab was $140, but from the looks of the bill, I'm sure there was around $100 missing from it.

I missed the Emmys: 100%. Didn't hear about it coming up, didn't know it was on. Hadn't heard one word. Sweet.

Fucking Bugs: In Georgia, there were fucking bugs fucking everywhere. That is; there were bugs fucking, and they fucking everywhere. This was actually so excessive it was funny. (not funny "haha," more funny "haha I don't live here" :p) Fortunately, North Carolina was practically bug-free. You sure know it when those dragonflies hit the windshield.

And the number one reason this vacation was awesome...

Getting Away