Thursday, September 25, 2008

NOCus Technicionus ~ The Curious Beast

The NOC Technician (Networkus Operatus Centre Technicionus) is a strange, and fascinating beast.

Born with little skin pigment, and eyes high in rod count, they are perfectly evolved for the darkness in which they live. The NOC Technician (or NOC Tech) rarely moves from his or her chair in order to save calories. This allows the NOC Tech to work for extremely prolonged periods, and survive on very little food. They have been known to survive for months only on soda and stale donuts.

NOC Technicians are curious animals. They crave neither human contact, fresh air, nor the most basic staple of existence; light. An evolutionary feature unique to the species is the development of nearsightedness at maturity. Some more seasoned NOC Technicians work long enough hours, and eat so little they can actually suspend their metabolism by going to work before dawn, working with minimal physical activity, consuming little, and going home after dark. This allows the NOC Tech to enter a state of near-hibernation, an ability unique to the human genus.

Though antisocial by nature, NOC Techs form small groups within their NOCs (Network Operation Center). In the case of large NOCs, impromptu "sub-NOCs" are usually formed, and may lead to rivalry, and working problems between sub-NOCs. The small groups may be very diverse, but develop into a very tight social group quickly. These relationships may or may not extend to the world outside the NOC, no scientific reasoning has been established to determine the cause of this behavior. NOCs will invariably develop their own limited language. Half-words, inside jokes, and non-sequiters carry extra meaning unknown to the outsider. Infiltration of these groups may only be achieved by complete immersion. All previously recorded attempts have resulted in the complete assimilation, and loss of 28 known researchers. No future attempts are planned.

NOC Technicians are also capable of handling a significant amount of mistreatment, usually delivered by aggressive users or angry managers, if promised small rewards. The average NOC Tech is capable of absorbing near-deadly levels of mistreatment if offered free soda, or a subway sandwich twice a month. Expected rewards can lead to complacency, and small unexpected rewards are necessary to maintain a working morale. Occasional Jumbo Jack Cheeseburgers, or McDonalds Apple Pies, are all it takes to restore the morale of even the most vexed NOC Technician.

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