Adrenaline Situation

It took me a bit of time to get this all written down. I wasn't sure if I should post it, but I decided that it's worth posting, even if I'm not totally comfortable posting it at the moment. It's still a little fresh.


Last weekend I left to run some errands after I got up at the crack of noon (What? I was up early!), and stopped at the gas station to get some air for my slow leaking tire. I pushed the button on the side of the compressor, and nothing happened. When I entered the ampm, I noted a young girl (16?) in a baseball uniform arguing with the clerk about the pump number. I asked them to turn on the air and went out to try it. Nothing, I returned to ask them to turn it on again.

When I entered there was a man yelling at the clerk about charging the wrong pump number. The girl was standing behind him.

I began assessing the situation.

The man was a middle-aged Mexican, overweight with obviously muscular legs and arms, a little bit shorter than me, wearing a raiders windbreaker, denim shorts, and white socks up to his knees with raider slippers, and very pissed off. The clerk was middle eastern, average build, about my height, and also very pissed off. The counter separating them was about 2.5 feet wide, and clear of items. They were both very close to the counter, and easily within arms reach of each other. Did I mention they were pissed off? The man was arguing that he had authorized the wrong pump and they wanted their money back, the clerk said that they authorized the wrong pump at the island, and that they're not getting any money back because someone was at the pump an used the gas.

I put my cell phone to my ear, and wandered around as if looking at the junk food, to a position at about 8 o'clock behind the man, about 5 feet away, and partially behind one of the snack islands.

The man's argument degraded to yelling about "Motherfucking ay-rabs" and going "Back to Iran" at which point the man's wife entered the store and started calming her husband.

Whew. These guys were getting pretty hot under the collar, good thing the wife will calm things down. She talked to her husband, and convinced him to return to the car. Unfortunately he stopped just short of the door. I avoided his sight, and moved to a 7 o'clock position behind where he now was, partially behind another snack island.

Then, when I thought things were winding down, the wife started arguing with the clerk. She argued that he authorized the wrong pump, and that he was taking money from a 15 year old girl. (The girl was white, like Scandinavian white, so I'm assuming they were giving her a ride to a game or something, and she was going to pay for gas. During the yelling the man mentioned that they weren't from around here, so the girl was probably getting ride to an away game or something) The clerk continued arguing that he couldn't give them their money back because it had been spent by the person on the pump that they authorized. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the wife's argument to degrade into more name calling and yelling. Finally the wife seemed to give up, and told the girl to wait in the car. Then she grabbed a candy bar (twix if it matters :) and said that he stole $35 from the 15 year old girl and that she was going to take the candy bar. The clerk yelled that if she walked out the door he was going to call the police, which prompted more yelling.

This whole time I was standing there with my phone to my ear, I was starting to get worried now because the man was standing silently, fists balled, and was just shooting daggers at the clerk. Yelling people are emotional and angry, and likely to get over what they're yelling about soon. Quiet people are thinking rationally. You should worry about quiet people. I looked at the way he was standing and speculated on how he might move, and thought of different ways to bring him to the ground quickly. I felt the pre-fight jitters start up, and was worried that he was wearing a windbreaker on a hot day while wearing shorts on what was probably a long driving trip. Amid the yelling, the clerk dared the wife to leave with the candy so he could call the police, she yelled back that he wouldn't dare, and walked out the door. The clerk had the phone in his had and yelled out the door that he was calling the police now and that he had their license plate on tape. The man just stood there glaring at the clerk. I was getting really tense now. The clerk, unaware the guy's wheels were spinning furiously, told him that he should go get the candy back because he had their license plate. The man just glared at him. The clerk who had the phone to his ear already said, "Fine, I'm calling." He turned to the phone and pushed the hang-up button on the phone and started dialing. Just as the clerk turned to the phone the man turned his head slightly and looked at the camera in the ceiling. He knew he was on tape, and he still hadn't decided what to do. I remember thinking "Here it comes." and reminding myself not to draw until I saw a weapon. I remember my eyes twitching because I wasn't blinking and that I was holding my breath.

The next bit is going to sound cliche, but I assure you, the cliches are true. The man looked back at the clerk who was turned toward the phone and the clerk was staring at the man out of the corner of his eye. The man took a deep breath and said to the clerk, "You know what...?" (Everything after this took place in honest-to-god slow motion. Thinking about it now seems so fucking unreal. At the time I didn't even think it odd.) The eye the clerk had on the man went wide and he started to turn his head to face the man, who's body was now moving, but not in any discernable direction yet. Every muscle in my body instantly tensed, and my body lowered into a ready position. Then I saw the man's right elbow draw back, and saw the right side of his windbreaker pulling back. It was the beginning motions of a draw, and all I could think of was, "I can't believe this guy's going to shoot the clerk over this!" I almost started moving but reminded myself that I still hadn't seen a weapon. As the man's hand swept back along his waistline I could see the clerk started to figure out what was going on, and developed a look of terror almost instantly. I remember thinking that I should have drawn my knife and suddenly realized that it was already in my hand in the downward position, and I was squeezing it so hard it hurt. Every fiber of my being was poured onto that arm motion, every muscle in my body was hard and burning. When his hand made it to the 5 o'clock position my heart dropped. I don't know any other way to describe the feeling, it just felt like my heart dropped down to my waist. I couldn't feel my body, I was just a pair of eyes, burning a hole in his windbreaker, trying to see what I had to see.

I saw his index and middle fingertips drop into view below the windbreaker, below his waistline. The rest of his fingers followed, and they shoved themselves into his back pocket which bore a heavily worn wallet outline. I could see that he was fishing for his wallet, but I couldn't get myself out of the red. The clerk couldn't see this, and his expression had turned to naked fright. I'm not sure how long it took the man to get his wallet out, it was probably pretty quick, but I really don't know. He brought his wallet in front of him and finished his sentence, "... fuck you." He threw three bills out of his wallet at the clerk. "Arab chickenshit." And the man left. I don't know how long we stood there after the man left, eventually someone walked in. He called to the woman with an odd look on his face, "Hey, get out of here, we're closed! I'm on break!" then a pause, "Our computers are down, use the machines by the pumps." The woman left, and the next thing I knew I had walked out the door, and the clerk locked it behind me. As I began to realize what had just happened, I realized I still had my knife in my hand, and closed it, and put it away. I remember that I walked back to my car, but don't actually remember the walking. I leaned against my car, then doubled over and threw up. I opened my car door and got in. Once I sat down and put my head back, I started to feel myself relax, and let a deep breath out that I didn't remember taking in. As soon as my muscles relaxed I started shaking pretty badly. I'd had this before, these were adrenaline shakes, and were normal when your body dumps adrenaline into your system, and you don't use it. It took 15 minutes for me to stop shaking.

As soon as I got back on the road, I remembered I needed air for my tire, and stopped at the gas station at the next corner. I got out, and pushed the button on the side of the air compressor and it chugged to life. Thank god.