The Pacifier, a review

Ok, ok, before you all start throwing popcorn at your screen listen for a sec.

I went and saw this Disney movie for some reason. Mid-way through the movie I stopped and tried to recall what exactly made me want to see this movie. There was no misleading advertising. There was no shameless editing of scenes to make them appear funnier. There was nothing to lead you to expect anything more from the movie than one could ascertain by watching a 30 second preview. But for some reason I wanted to see this movie. So we went to see it Saturday night... Or sunday... no, it was saturday. Ok, so we saw it on Saturday night. And I honestly believe the only thing that kept me from vomiting all over the person in the row ahead of me, was that the director, writer, and actors, seemed to know that this was a hack movie. Same tired story, same quick puns, same token comic relief characters, same tired ending. They knew what they were doing was old news, but instead of pretending it was new and novel, they just seemed to have more fun with it. It's hard to explain.

Vin Diesel, who's real name is probably Ira Haslowzski, played his typical bad-ass self (the same self I loved to listen to in "The Chronicles of Riddick" (on xbox), and when it was time for him to put on the fake plastic tear, he did. They even injected a little bit of "coming of age" bull-shit into the movie, and I still didn't seem to mind.

This movie had everything I hate and three thing I love! A teenage boy who didn't fit in, a snobby older sister type, some "girl-power" crap, that "coming of age" bs I told you about, stupid one-liners, a vice-principal who thinks he's god, a crotch biting duck, a goofy foreigner, unreal computers, booby traps, korean ninjas, Vin Diesel covered in human waste, montages that show gradual improvement, discrimination, the phrase "You're not my REAL dad!", crappy CG explosions (way to splurge Disney), the movie Ghost, a "daring" jet ski chase, and lastly, a dance made up by a top-level scientist to put his little kid to sleep which actually is the secret method of navigating the booby-trapped hallway to his secret vault hidden in a steel-walled secret facility under his garage accessable by a trap door and a spiral staircase. try to figure out which are the three I like

Anyways, I still have no idea why I went to see this movie, but I have even less of an idea as to why I actually enjoyed it. But don't see it. This is a "blockbuster night" waiting to happen.