The Recession is dead! Long live the Recession!

The Recession is over!*

*What you are experiencing is a very Recession-like period that is exactly like a Recession in every way except it's not called a "Recession." Any further Recessions will be entirely unrelated to the previous Recession, and will be formally announced by the newly appointed Recession Czar, who will decide when Recessions that feel like Recessions and act like Recessions are actually Recessions.

The job is very similar to the also recently appointed Duck Czar, who has the final word on whether things that look like ducks, walk like ducks, and quack like ducks are or are not, in fact, ducks.