Waterworks and horrible smelting accidents.

don't worry, this one's much shorter. (and probably more interesting)

I was up late last night I was up early this morning playing dwarf fortress killing my dwarves.

I found a nice spot at the base of a volcano, right next to a magma pool and a rapid stream. Unfortunately there weren't a lot of trees, but it was still a great spot.

As I was getting set up, I noticed my magma pool had neighbors of the fire imp persuasion. Not sure if they'd bother me, I build a small moat to the south just to be sure. I extended to moat into the stream by digging it deeper, and with two miners working one managed to dig the ground out from under the other. He sank like a rock and died quickly. Bugger. Well, this is a good spot, and I've dealt with one miner before, I'll manage. I think briefly about the possibility of performing a (temporary) river drain to get the items, but decide it'd be more trouble than it's worth for a pick. Especially since I brought an anvil and have magma to smelt my iron.

I established my fortress quickly and built intelligently with stockpiles of items stored one level down from the workshops for easy access. I was eager to try to get a magma smelter going but realized there would be a problem. If I make an opening from the magma pool into my workshop, I'd have every Tom, Dick, and Magma Man wandering into the soft underbelly of my fortress. I think about it a bit, and figure it out. I'll carve out a small pool, then dig a drain to the magma pool and control it with a stone floodgate. That way I can pull a lever, and let enough magma in to fill the pool, then close the gate to keep it from filling my fortress with [Dr. Evil]liquid hot mag-ma[/Dr.Evil].

I set up the pool, drain channel, floodgate, and lever, then prepare to dig out the final separating wall, and quickly throw the lever. I'm not sure how fast magma flows, but it should flow slower than water, which is pretty slow already. I dig out the last bit of wall, and my miner dies instantly in the wall of heat that pushes out from the new magma pool vent. Whoops... I guess I need to cut out that last bit of wall from above... With two dead miners and unrecoverable picks I reload to the save I'd made before attempting this risky procedure, and turn my mind to things that don't involve searing hot death.

I decided I wanted to see if I could make another pick so I looked for my anvil, and found it three levels up where I started. Apparently the dwarves carried everything down but the anvil. Lazy. I remember a trick to get dwarves to move things they might not want to, and specify the anvil to be dumped in the garbage, then set a garbage zone on the ground by my entrance. I notice they're still not taking care of it, and take matters into my own hands. I order stairs built from the smelter level straight up to under the anvil. Then I realize that this would result in an anvil dropping onto my miner, and that such a thing would probably be bad, so I dig the stairs one space over, and hollow out the ground under the anvil. Just as I get to the top and am preparing to enjoy dropping this heavy item straight down several levels, I get to the top and see my mason cheerfully hauling the anvil away. Well shit. I was actually looking forward to watching that drop.

I micromanage a bit and then attempt to set up my blacksmith only to find my anvil is missing. ??? I check the item screen, find the anvil, and zoom in on it. It's in the small moat I dug. Damnit! I check my garbage zone and confirm it doesn't include any water. I guess my mason saw the anvil designated as trash and hucked it into the lake rather than take up space in my garbage pile. How thoughtful.

My thoughts turn to the possibility of draining the river. I had read that using a corkscrew pump powered by a windmill or waterwheel pumped water at an incredible rate, but I'd never set one up before. I check the wiki on how to set up the gear boxes and axles to transfer power, and place the water pump. Immediately after completion, it takes seconds to fill half the screen with water, and actually dries the river in the square below it. The pumping power is truly impressive. So impressive, in fact, I can't sleep after I quit.

I kept thinking of the possibilities of aqueducts, water towers, and giant toilets to flush enemies away. If I built walls and a floodgate around my front door, any threatening goblin or Jehovah's witness, could be locked in at the pull of a lever, drowned under a rush of water, and after they're done trying to grow gills, I could open the hatch to drain it out, and gather their items hassle-free. Then I think about the magma, and hollowing out the area under my front door, adding a few grates to the top level, and setting up magma and water floodgates on either side under ground. If anyone wanders up to my front door, open both floodgates, and the scalding steam from the water and magma mixing should vent up through the grates, and horribly burn foes. Then I think about digging out the bottom level of a spire, and holding it up with supports that can be collapsed at the pull of a lever. The idea of an enormous stalagmite falling one level onto whomever might be so unlucky to be under it reminds me of Wile E Coyote for some reason. Thinking about cartoons, I remember my anvil drop, and the possibility of setting up a pressure plate and a trap door a few levels up with the anvil on top of it. The pure cartoonish hilarity of setting a trap that drops an anvil on a monster is too good to pass up. I'll have to try it.

There's too many possibilities. This game is awesome.